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Kira2767

Becoming very annoyed with myself!!

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So, from March to September I was as good as gold. I lost 21 lbs and never felt better! Down a dress size (which still left a bit to go), but I was very happy with the way things were going. I had plateaued for around 6 to 8 weeks at that point, but I had accepted that and knew if I just stuck to things this would settle and the rest of the weight would go eventually.

However, I have no idea why I lost track but I did

I started to find myself eating things I hadn't eaten in months and hadn't really wanted to eat either. Stuff I don't even particularly feel I was remotely missing! I have no idea of the exact moment when I started doing this, but very quickly realised that if I didn't do something then all I had achieved would have gone to waste (or even waist!). Did I stop doing stupid things? Did I get back on track properly? Did I heck as like!!!

Over the next 3 months I just seemed to get worse instead of better. I wasn't craving anything, nor did I feel the need to have any extra because I was hungry during this time. I simply stopped doing what I know works!!!

Most of my meals are still absolutely spot on, nothing in them that isn't 100% natural and non-mixing, but then for some reason between meals I go totally off-track. I recognise that I'm doing it and I really hate the feeling of knowing but really feeling powerless to stop myself.

I so desperately wanted to do the January Blitz but found myself still being really really stupid with daft little snacks. At one sitting I had a cup of coffee and 8 rounds of Dean's shortbread!!! I mean, I love Deans shortbread, but even before I wouldn't eat so much in one sitting unless I was exceptionally hungry...

Drinks also became an issue. I stopped drinking water and started having extra coffee (all decaff, but nonetheless) and then having a glass or two of wine of an evening. 85% chocolate started to feature on an almost daily basis and allowing myself to be talked into takeaways and the likes because we were pushed for time.

Now, I am so angry with myself for not sticking to what I know is good for me and works well. I've put 10 lbs back on and feel pretty silly for letting it get this far. I really do have to get back on track, but my husband seems far less committed to it these days and without his full support (he does still eat THD but refuses to give up drinking wine every night and sweeteners in his coffee etc), I do seem to fall off and just follow his lead. It simply can't continue because I know it is doing me no good whatsoever!! I know I can do it, each day is just a bit of a struggle right now and I don't know why. Other than the silly snacks I am still very much eating the Harcombe way and I am not remotely hungry between my meals.

I now make myself this promise... I WILL stop eating snacks and I will stop having too much coffee!!!

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  1. Peapod's Avatar
    Kira, I just read your very open and honest blog post. I think our subconscious mind is always "taking notes" and at some point it will want to take revenge and decide it's payback time and will make us eat things we've been virtuously avoiding and not even necessarily wanting. This then very quickly can awaken our intolerances and cravings, and then we feel as if we've just lost control over our better judgements. It's the classic "slippery slope" that so many of us have slipped down! I remember as a teenager I did the Atkin's Diet religiously for an entire year and I got down to my thinnest weight ever. Then for some reason (boredom with the food, I suppose) I decided I'd had enough of that kind of thing and before I knew it I couldn't eat enough carbs and fruits fast enough! I was insatiable for bread, cookies, candy, alcohol, but especially fruit which I felt was a particularly restricted "healthy" food at the time. I gained back all the weight and then some. For me it was my subconscious getting revenge on my strictness for so long. But everyone is different, of course. I'm sure you'll find your way back, if you want it badly enough. Best of luck to you. P x
  2. Kira2767's Avatar
    Thanks Peapod I have been beating myself up for weeks about being so stupid, but I still can't seem to make it stop

    I have started to have peppermint tea or lemon & ginger tea instead of coffee through the day (I still have my gorgeous Lavazza decaff in the morning) and I have virtually no wine now except perhaps a glass at the weekends. I've actually found that through not drinking as much as I was before THD, I am now something of a lightweight and one glass tends to be about as much as I can handle without being very tipsy! Food wise - I just want to eat well and have been planning my meals down to the last detail to try to overcome the ridiculous habits I have fallen back into. Haven't regained total control as yet, but I am doing my best. Thinking that I will keep a diary for a few weeks and see if I can figure out what it is that is going on in my head that makes it seem so difficult right now.
  3. Sarah(sjc)'s Avatar
    Oooh - that sounds awfully familiar! Except I didn't stop until I'd gained an extra stone!

    One thing - I noticed you'd been quite quiet on the Forum lately. It's not just there for people to post their successes, it's their for support, especially when you are doing things you don't want to, and don't know why! Next time you feel yourself straying, come on here - there's always someone here to talk to, and it might just make the difference!

    Start now - have a good dinner, and get rid of the wine and other cheats. You're only kidding yourself if you finish them tonight because you're starting tomorrow.

    And please feel free to say all of this back to me, next time I admit to a wobble!
  4. Lindam's Avatar
    I'm the wibbly wobbly weeble at the moment - I empathise totally Kira But I will get back on the rails, just don't give up trying!
  5. Kira2767's Avatar
    Sarah, I have just been so busy. We run our own business and I look after the books, but I've even been struggling with that

    I can't seem to stay focused on anything and I struggle just to remain on task until one job is finished... been like that for months now and I can't pinpoint a reason for it. I can't afford to put all the weight back on, I just bought loads of new clothes and got rid of my biggest ones so I couldn't go back to that weight ever again!! See, I was focusing at one point

    I love the forums because I get so much feedback and enjoyment from reading how others are getting on too. I'm not usually one for moaning about my lack of success, but I really feel as though I am sinking... it took me 3 days to decide to write this blog post because I am always telling my family they need to be more positive and lose the negativity and here is me doing everything I tell them not to do - how stupid is that!!

    I like the upbeat me, she is so much more fun and I've been missing her of late... time to knuckle down and just do what I know is right. Dinner tonight is chicken stuffed with garlic butter and wrapped in parma ham baked in the oven with broccoli and maybe some brussels sprouts (I really love brussels sprouts )
  6. FlorenceW's Avatar
    Hi Kira Sorry to read you've been having such a struggle over the last few months. Just take it one day at a time and don't beat yourself up over it. We've all gone off the deep end and slipped backwards but know that THD is forgiving and that we can step back up again. Your closing paragraph indicates that your getting your Harcombe head back on. Stay strong and keep posting. Good luck.
  7. Lea C's Avatar
    Hi Kira sounds like you're working hard to get back on track and I'm sure that you will. I totally agree with what everybody else has posted above...I do believe that eating well is a combined physical and psychological journey , in particular for those of us who have dieted for years on the classic low fat high carb diets which is why we get caught out still at times, returning to those foods that cause our cravings even when we know deep down they are doing us no good. We have all done it, so I think that speaks volumes in itself..... Wishing you all the best, lea.
  8. Kira2767's Avatar
    Thank you all so much

    I do have my Harcombe head on and meals are very much THD only, it is between meals that I seem to have lost the plot. Never having been someone who eats when upset or stressed (tend to starve myself instead at such times), this is very much a new concept for me and not something I was ever bad for. I don't know what started it because I am a Harcombe preacher now... family and friends would tell you that I am always talking about how much better it is to eat real food and get rid of sugars, bad grains etc etc. I think my chimp went ballistic since just after the end of September and giving in to easy meals, snacks, coffee and wine became all too easy. I have started back on track from yesterday and hope to at least get through a week with no cheats, not quite P1 because I just love the speedy mayo on salads and stuff, but then that is about all I really added other than the occasional meal (no more than once a month) with cheese.

    It is so good to know that people are out there who know what I am going through and have such kind words of encouragement
  9. Sarah(sjc)'s Avatar
    Busy here too, know what it's like! As I said before - we're not only for the good bits here! Sounds like you are getting back to it, and the better you eat, the better you will cope!

    Speedy mayo is fine in Phase 1 if you use lemon juice rather than vinegar, btw
  10. Kira2767's Avatar
    [QUOTE=Sarah(sjc);bt10500]Busy here too, know what it's like! As I said before - we're not only for the good bits here! Sounds like you are getting back to it, and the better you eat, the better you will cope!

    Speedy mayo is fine in Phase 1 if you use lemon juice rather than vinegar, btw[/QUOTE]

    Thank you Sarah, sorry, been away from the forum for a couple of days again.... I haven't tried the mayo with lemon, but it could be an idea for a week or so (we eat it with all our salads now).

    I love that the forum is here for when I feel a bit like I'm not coping. It actually seems to stimulate me more when I am helping others instead of asking for help myself...

    It may take me a lot longer than originally planned to lose the weight, but eating this way certainly helps me a lot with mood swings, stomach upsets, dry skin etc and I do generally stick to it without exception - most of the time!

    I am going to get back to doing knitting and sewing in the evenings as well because this alleviates boredom which is my biggest enemy.
  11. roseymary's Avatar
    Kira I've only just found you blog and if it's any comfort the gremlin that attacked you did a side visit to Melbourne. I messed around from October to the end of December fluctuating around 79 - 80kgs. The January Blitz was a godsend making me keep track everyday of as you so aplty said the good, the bad and the plain old ugly.
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