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Alison13

Being Happy in Fifteen Minutes

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I once heard a sober alcoholic say that drinking never made him happy, but it made him feel like he was going to be happy in about fifteen minutes. That is exactly it, and I use food in a similar way. I wouldn’t understand why the happiness never came, couldn’t see the flaw in my thinking, couldn’t see that food kept me trapped in a world of illusion, procrastination, paralysis. I lived always in the future, never in the present. I tend to get really cross when others are eating the food that I am supposedly denying myself; that is information to me that it isn't them who are tempting me, but that I am looking for a way to reconnect with a familiar story or pattern in my life.

At times the cycle for me is - reward - relief - reconnection - and then I get into a funk of shame and disappointment. To manage those feelings, I tell myself 'I will start tomorrow' and I am always interested in how long that funk of shame lasts until I start again and that can be weeks, months or years and then becomes a world of illusion etc.

I wonder if I am food obsessed or food addicted. I don't want to let go of the whole culture of food as I show love by cooking for others, I enjoy talking about food and the social element of eating is important to me. However, I am trying to do is follow the Harcombe plan and use it as a safety net to move me away from fear and control by planning for any swerves in the plan. So...I had some cheese which put me into phase 2 and yet I am back in phase 1 today and don't feel its a struggle as I am still in the plan, so self regulation becomes more possible ( at the moment)

Somehow I am keeping going. I think reading others blogs and writing about my own journey and the responses from those who are fellow travellers really help and it keeps me in check.

Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.
- Arthur Ashe

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Updated 2nd June 2018 at 11:05 AM by Alison13

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Comments

  1. roseymary's Avatar
    Very insightful blog. When I was drinking I was always looking for the buzz the first sip of the first drink gave me, but it didn't happen. I now enjoy food more than I did before when I was seeking that equivalent food buzz. Now if I cheat on sweet stuff I'm always disappointed as it's not how I remember. Not sure if that ramble helps, but we're eating the most wonderful food, can cook and share with friends and family and not feel on the outside.
  2. Alison13's Avatar
    Thank you and your reply is really helpful Roseymary. It really helps to know about your journey and seeking that buzz of the first sip or bite. I want to hear that you enjoy food more now - thats good to know! For the first time I am looking for ways to adapt to feeding others whilst holding on to the plan. I am working on it.
  3. celiaj's Avatar
    You sound just like me!
    I am also trying very hard to stick to P2 not sure why it is so hard sometimes although it is probably when I am bored!
    'Start wher you are. Use what you have. Do what you can ' sounds a good philosophy.
  4. Alison13's Avatar
    We are not alone Celiaj! Boredom for me is sometimes in the evening when I start staring in the fridge. Have a good week.
  5. Sallywags's Avatar
    You can feed others amazing, real food doungvthis and they will never know it’s ‘diet Food’!!

    I have done 3 course dinners which are only phase 3 for the fact that dessert might have a little amount of cocoa/ nuts and a small amount of sugar in a mousse or something. (Most people wouldn’t be able to palate a completely unsweetened chocolate mousse!) I would put crackers on a cheese board and then just eat the cheese myself with maybe a slice of apple for a p3 dinner.
  6. Alison13's Avatar
    Thanks Sallywags. I am going to have a go at entertaining. I went out today and had a naked burger. Didn't miss the bread at all and the beef was 100% and delicious.
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